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Artists That Only Make Me Think About All the Sex I Didn’t Have in College

  1. Enigma
  2. Mazzy Star
  3. Portishead
  4. Massive Attack
  5. Counting Crows

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My most-liked Instagram photo from the past 2 weeks. Caption: “Because of course you’ll be live-tweeting it.”Uploaded via autosets.

My most-liked Instagram photo from the past 2 weeks. Caption: “Because of course you’ll be live-tweeting it.”

Uploaded via autosets.

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  • Female friend: They just announced sci-fi speed dating at the Chicago comic book convention again this year.
  • Male friend: You should do it for sex.
  • Female friend: You heard me say "comic book convention," right? If I'm going to fuck anything in that building that is not Matt Smith I need to take it outside and clean it off with a high pressure hose first.
  • Male friend: To blast away the costumes?
  • Female friend: Do you know what 12 hours in a stormtrooper uniform does to the human body?

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Either she’s in sexual ecstasy, or she’s really trying hard not to look at his business casual.

Either she’s in sexual ecstasy, or she’s really trying hard not to look at his business casual.

(Source: cristania)

Reblogged from glow0rm1 with 3,952 notes | Permalink

seemstween:

i wrote a short story for unreality house

Excited to publish Gabby Gabby’s Unreality House debut, a new story about sex with a stranger.

seemstween:

i wrote a short story for unreality house

Excited to publish Gabby Gabby’s Unreality House debut, a new story about sex with a stranger.

Reblogged from seemstween with 32 notes | Permalink

endofunctor:

thanks, cosmo

Strip Trivial Pursuit? Gives a whole new meaning to the term “scoring wedge.”

endofunctor:

thanks, cosmo

Strip Trivial Pursuit? Gives a whole new meaning to the term “scoring wedge.”

(Source: screenburned)

Reblogged from sadblogosphere with 3,138 notes | Permalink

I just received a message from my cousin informing me that she’d spotted the story of how I became (and stopped being) a 25-year-old virgin, trending under “popular” on Pinterest.

In tweeting about it, I learned once again what I already knew: holding out until you’re 25 will make you very popular with moms.

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"Kennedy pulled down his pants but, with his shirt still on, hovered above her on the bed. He smelled of his cologne, 4711. He paused when he noticed her resisting. ‘Haven’t you done this before?’ he asked. ‘No,’ she said."

It’s emerged that my signature scent is the same one that JFK wore when he deflowered teenage interns. (This news comes via, somewhat awkwardly, my dad.)

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Just remembered the first Minneapolis art party I ever went to

  • Woman: Have you seen [host]'s self-published book of erotic haiku?
  • Me: No.
  • Woman: Well, we're going to have a reading in a short while, and then we're all going to have sex. Would you like to participate?
  • Me: Um, I'm from St. Paul.
  • Woman: Oh. I see.

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