Jay Gabler

I never liked my name. My dad thought he was being daring and original when he jumped to “Jason” from my original planned name, Andrew. Objectively, it seems kind of cool, right? Jason in mythology was a total badass. Unfortunately, though, every other dad thought the same thing—Jason was the second most-popular boy’s name of 1975, after Michael. I always felt robbed of Andrew, which wasn’t even in the top 20. And Jason was a total fad name; by 2011, Jason had dropped to #88, while Michael remained as high as #16. So basically, I had the same stupid name as every other stupid boy born in the stupid Ford Administration.

When you’re confirmed as a Catholic, you get to choose your confirmation name—supposedly the name of a saint who particularly inspires you. Guess what name I chose. When I had my sit-down with the priest to talk about why St. Andrew particularly spoke to me, I said something like, “Father, he just seems so…holy.”

Once I finally had Andrew, I held tight to it. Since my existing middle name was William I started signing my name “Jason W.A. Gabler,” then “J.W.A. Gabler,” which inspired my classmate Joe Brill to give me the nickname “Say Hey W.A.” My signature eventually just evolved into a J and a straight line, but when I went to take my driver’s test, I wrote JASON WILLIAM ANDREW GABLER—and that name is on my driver’s license to this day, as well as on my diplomas up to and including my Ph.D. Say hey!

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